enlightened horsemanship through touch » Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday Courtesy of the Poet, Hafiz

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 10:34:10 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

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The poet Hafiz writes in his poem It Felt Love,

Elisha Goldstein, PhD writes that it is easier to open up and reveal our own gifts to the world when we feel positive loving encouragement.

Every day we have an opportunity to practice mindfulness with inspiration from this poem, learning to cultivate gratitude and lovingkindness (metta).

Goldstein suggests this practice to feel that encouragement:

This is the core of mindfulness practice, which is founded upon gratitude.

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Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful for there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

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For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, From the Horse’s Back, Tired Dog Ranch, Earth Dancer Spanish Mustangs or the Pony Expression.

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist and conducts a private practice in West Los Angeles. He is co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook (New Harbinger, February 2010) Check out Dr. Goldstein’s acclaimed CD’s on Mindful Solutions for Stress, Anxiety and Depression, Addiction and Relapse Prevention, and Success and Stress Reduction at Work.

Thankful Thursday

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:58:41 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

❦

Elisha Goldstein, PhD, who writes a blog on neuroplasticity at psychcentral.com and is the co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, suggests that as we practice techniques of gratitude, we will begin to recognize that there is a choice and we don’t need to engage in self-destructive behaviors such as self-criticism, anger, binge eating, or self-isolation. This can only really happen as these new neural tracks are laid down. The immediate result of counting our blessings is not the point: it is the retraining of the brain that does the work.

To this end, Robert Emmons and Michael McCollough conducted a 2003 study a while back called Counting Blessings versus Burdens. They divided their subjects into three groups of people and asked one group to count 5 blessings per day, one group to count 5 burdens per day and another group to write about neutral events. Surprise! The people who counted blessings reported less stress and more feelings associated with wellbeing.

Part of retraining the brain is the willingness to be present with the discomfort which comes up for many people (especially during this holiday season). Approaching all the feelings about our lives with attentive observation begins the rewiring process. Goldstein likens the beginning of the process to planting a seed. Starting to pay attention to what we are grateful for in life (just for a moment or two each day) is like laying down a row of seeds. As we repeat the process, it’s like watering the seeds. All plants take a while to grow, but given proper care and attention, grow they will

Today I will start the process by sharing that I’m grateful for the opportunities my job has given me. It’s not just a job, but a life-giving force that has expanded my mind and heart.

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For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, From the Horse’s Back, Tired Dog Ranch, Earth Dancer Spanish Mustangs or the Pony Expression.

Thankful Thursday: Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:50:15 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

❦

What a year it has been since last Thanksgiving day. I don’t like roller coasters. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you. County fairs and amusement parks will see Kim on the midway shooting paper ducks and throwing rings at bowling pins instead of riding crazy hills and valleys. Ups and downs, crazy curls and straightaways, near-stalls and sudden accelerations. My life provides enough of those, thank you.

This time last year I was in a personal turmoil I don’t actually care to remember. I was awaiting surgery for my damaged disks, which were torturing my spinal cord with a skill that rivaled even the worst pain of labor and childbirth. And I was juggling the varied and pressing needs of my daughter at the same time. Yet there was a tiny ray of light–my job, which was to provide me with the key to my present day freedom and contentment.

I did not use the word, joy, you will notice. Things seem to have leveled off at the moment, and I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m not going to create a roller coaster of an opportunity to rise and then fall precipitously. A steady state of contentment will not only do nicely but is my ultimate goal.

For today, I have found it in the following:

My daughter’s delightful reveling in her freedom to live her own life, unhindered by constraints of mom. Her new apartment is a study in modern cool: the browns, blacks and oranges a reflection of her desire to remain grounded. The deep greens reveal her hope for growth. In our phone conversations, she has shared with me her reconnections with friends form high school, her activities with friends of the family, and all about the new friends she is making. It appears there is never a dull moment. I am incredibly proud of her, and full to bursting with gratitude on her behalf. She is 21 years old. She is healthy. She is living life.

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For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, From the Horse’s Back, Tired Dog Ranch, Earth Dancer Spanish Mustangs or the Pony Expression

Thankful Thursday: Autumnal Arias

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:01:50 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

I’ve been singing. The praises of my friends Angela and Shawn, and Victoria and my new friend Sarah. And my brother-in-lay Paul and his brother Patrick, and of my sister Shelly and my nephew Finn. And of the stunning hues that painted the landscape of my home. I only felt those colors tug at my heart once or twice.

By some mysterious agency, what we have long hoped for, my daughter returning home to Virginia to live, became possible. The freedom she has always wanted presented itself. She deserves it. Along with her independence comes freedom for me for the first time in my adult life. We can barely contain ourselves!

We jumped at the chance, and went to Virginia. With lots of giggling and the signing of more credit card receipts than I care to remember, we set her up in a beautiful apartment in Charlottesville. She will attend college there in the spring.

Now I’m in Santa Fe with some of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met, learning about the minds, bodies and spirits of horses and how touch can change all of them.

I am so grateful that our mutual liberty has enabled my daughter and me to follow our individual journeys. Though our paths now diverge, I know they will come together again and again. And so she can always find me, no matter where I go, I will keep singing.

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Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

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For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, From the Horse’s Back, Tired Dog Ranch, Earth Dancer Spanish Mustangs or the Pony Expression.

© 2009 enlightened horsemanship through touch and Kim Cox Carneal

Thankful Thursday: Thanks Readers and Commenters!

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:01:56 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Once again, It’s Thankful Thursday, and I’m taking a moment to consider all the things I have to be grateful for. Part of mindful awareness is living gratitude every moment of every day, and not just while writing Thankful Thursday’s post, however. Please remember that even if you don’t participate in Thankful Thursdays, be mindful and grateful for everything.

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I’ve been perusing my comments and stats today and thinking about all the great things writing this blog has brought me. The best thing is that I’ve gotten to “know” some really fine people. I’ve learned so much from all of you, and I hope to continue learning. My points of view are ever widening, thanks to your comments. Please keep them coming, and know that I am grateful for your presence here, and that you take the time to comment.

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Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, From the Horse’s Back,Tired Dog Ranch, Earth Dancer Spanish Mustangs, or the Pony Expression

Thankful Thursday: Good Friends and Determined Beagles

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:01:01 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

Last week was a killer. I say that with metaphorical intention, but it could have been literal in many senses of the word. It was a tough week. But I have much to be grateful for.

My daughter is out of the hospital, and for the moment, well. We have no concrete plans to return there.
My beagle, Ruby, not to be separated from her human, made not one, but two valiant but ill-advised attempts to gain her freedom and find me all the way in Kealakekua. One day I left her and my cats Evinrude and Gizmo in the house, with the doors and windows closed. All but a tiny crack in the upstairs sliding doors that lead to the lanai (pretentious Hawaiian word for balcony) for fresh air. It seems that Ruby took the “I WILL NOT BE CONTAINED” oath all beagles take at birth and took it seriously. When I returned home at dinnertime to feed them and let everyone out for their business and some affection, I called to her and heard no response. panic!

I went running out into the drive yelling her name only to be confronted by a smiling but uncertain Peter the condo manager, Ruby in tow. She had apparently leapt off the upper lanai, and fallen two stories to her freedom, and was on her way to find me when he caught her.

Adrenaline must have masked her pain, because she is still lame, though the vet assures me she is not terribly injured. The very next day she tried the same thing at Linda’s house, creeping silently off the upper lanai onto Linda’s front porch ROOF. She had to be talked down like a suicide attempt. She was given a treat and a thorough talking to.

Which brings me to the final object of my gratitude for this week: my boss, Linda. Not only is she my boss, but she is also my friend. And Ruby’s friend. She kept Ruby for the week, enabling the formation of a fast friendship between Ruby beagle and Rayne the Westie. I can’t imagine a better temporary human for an injured and disoriented dog than Linda Tellington-Jones. Now Ruby has friends in Hawaii, too!

Someone please remind me to issue them both parachutes the next time I have to go away.

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Thankful Thursday: Some Serious Gratitude

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:01:31 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

At long last, after much anxiety, longing and anticipation, my beautiful soulful Beagle, Ruby and my two cats, Evin and Gizmo have arrived safely in Hawaii. They are all fine, though their transition from farm animals to house pets during the last three months apparently afforded them the opportunity to put on some serious poundage. This can be changed!

I’m so happy to have my family here with me. In this regard, I’m extremely lucky. Yesterday was the eleventh anniversary of my daughter’s live-saving kidney transplant. No one really knows how long a transplanted kidney lasts, so we count every day as a gift. She and her heroic kidney are cruising along beautifully.

We’re a happy family.

If you like what you have been reading, please subscribe to the RSS Feed, and visit Bloggers Choice Awards to vote for Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch.

Thankful Thursday: A New Blogger Friend

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:58:23 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

This week I’ve been particularly thankful that I have my internet connection back at home after a week of silence. Catch as catch can at work was woefully insufficient. Simrat emailed to point out a really topical and timely blogpost to me, found here. In this blogpost, Voila!, aka Bridget Pillloud speaks to the nature of happiness and suffering and our own reactions to them.

Take a look at this blog. I think it’s important.

If you like what you have been reading, please subscribe to the RSS Feed, and visit Bloggers Choice Awards to vote for Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch.

Thankful Thursday: The Mind and Spirit of Sandy Rakowitz

enlightenedhorsemanship — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:14:44 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

The past week and a half I’ve been trying to assist with a very large project at Tellington TTouch Training. Since I missed the first two weeks of the visit to Hawaii of Sandy Rakowitz (One Heart Healing Center and The Holistic Animal), I played catch-up the whole time.

Even after mostly catching up, I could not contribute in a quality way to the development of the project because I don’t have the 25 years of experience with Tellington TTouch that Sandy has. But that’s not what this post is about.

Sandy’s knowledge is astounding. Just by talking about the subject at hand, she taught me things I might never have had access to. By her demeanor, so calm, grounded and honest, she shows me a better way to be. I spent much of our time together marveling at the rich complexity of her body of knowledge and her skill at integrating it into the project, and in communicating it to me and others. There aren’t a lot of people like this in the world. I’m grateful to have spent this intensive time with her, and even more grateful to know her.

If you like what you have been reading, please subscribe to the RSS Feed, and visit Bloggers Choice Awards to vote for Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch.

Furry Quadruped Delivers Thankful Thursday Two Hours Late, Leaves Bedding In Ribbons

enlightenedhorsemanship — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 18:06:13 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

This just in:

A Kailua-Kona woman reports today that although she waited all day Thursday for an idea for Thankful Thursday’s post, she came up empty-handed. Going to bed at her regularly-scheduled time, she felt saddened by the barren state of her normally creative consciousness.

Instead of peaceful sleep, the woman relates what can only be described as an episode of unsolicited feline friendly attention. Let her story be a warning to all single females in the state of Hawaii!!!! Though the outdoors is indoors and the indoors is outdoors, be mindful of who and what walks indoors while you are in bed!!!

The woman went on to describe hours of feline kneading, scratching and purring, ending in the cat, who goes by many aliases, the most recent of which is Bobbie*, curling up beside her and proceeding to sleep.

At this time, the woman, who has asked to remain anonymous for fear that Bobbie’s real owner may become jealous, is resting comfortably with the aid of sedatives prescribed by EMTs.

* Bobbie is a rescued Keauhou cat. He is grey and white, with a notched ear and a, you guessed it, bobbed tail. For the story of the Keauhou cats, please stay tuned to this blog.

Keauhou in Early Morning, Normally Free of Feline Home Invasions

If you like what you have been reading, please subscribe to the RSS Feed, and visit Bloggers Choice Awards to vote for Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch.

Thankful Thursday: Let's Get Down to Business

enlightenedhorsemanship — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 00:32:00 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

Linda has finally arrived home from the mainland, and I will begin working in earnest tomorrow. At last, the fruition of three years’ efforts to change my life and contribute to the lives of animals in a meaningful way!

The Gratitude Habit, by Pam White

If you like what you have been reading, please subscribe to the RSS Feed, and visit Bloggers Choice Awards to vote for Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch.

Thankful Thursday

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:05:11 +0000

As Simrat at Akal Ranch says,

Take a few minutes today to create your own Thankful Thursday. If you don’t have a blog of your own, you are welcome to post your thoughts here. If you have a blog, post what you are grateful there, and please link back here. Feel free to tag other bloggers. We are trying to get a mindful movement of gratitude going.

For more thankfulness try out Akal Ranch, Tired Dog Ranch, or the Pony Expression.

Ah…the weather. Some people complain. But not me. My blood sizzles in my veins in the heat. Each warm breeze ruffles not only my hair and my clothing, but my heart. I am so happy that I am here in a place where I won’t be counting the glorious days with wistfulness, knowing that they are numbered, that the passing of each brings me a little closer to autumnal depression. That one can ride in an arena where the view drops off to the shining azure Pacific on one side and a lush green coffee plantation on the other. Or through the hills of Kohala where one can imagine being in the mists of Middle Earth. Where I can sit at my computer and gaze out over the palm treetops to the sea as I work.

Today I am most grateful that I can leave behind all the madness that accompanied my transition to Hawaii. Those people and their acts of unkindness can no longer hurt me, and the pain that was once there is dissipating. I do not hold on to the pain, the anger, the drama, the loss. It is theirs if they choose to keep it.

–The Buddha

If you like what you have been reading, please subscribe to the RSS Feed, and visit Bloggers Choice Awards to vote for Enlightened Horsemanship Through Touch.

Thankful Thursday: My Teachers

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:50:54 +0000

I read Akal Ranch‘s last Thankful Thursday post with great interest. Simrat’s Standing On the Shoulders of Giants, thanking all the trainers she has learned from.

At first I thought it was not the best idea to copy another blogger’s idea directly, but then I knew Simrat would not object to being my teacher. We should all thank our teachers, whether they taught us good things or bad.

There is a Buddhist principle which states the same thing. In the Mahayana Dharma, there is a simple saying, “Be grateful to everyone.” As Pema Chödron says in her book, Start Where You Are, being grateful to everyone “is a way of saying that we can learn from any situation, especially if we practice … with awareness.”

As we all know, horses are excellent teachers. They don’t know. But they can show you “where you need to be more gentle, where you need ot be more clear, when you need to be more quiet, and when you need to speak.”

Same holds true for mentors, trainers, riding instructors. You can’t really trust anyone else’s interpretations of the truth because you yourself have the wisdom within. Some of us only learn this after looking back long and hard at our teachers, both equine and human.

My first trainer and my first horse were a particularly difficult combination, one which I’ve written about before, though not in detail. I feel guilt about the way I treated that horse under the guidance of that teacher, yet I probably shouldn’t. I have learned a lot from her. I learned what it takes to be a successful horseperson. I learned toughness and resolve. I learned that being intimidated by horses is not an option. I learned a great number of basic skills, and I learned patience, though of a different kind than I practice today. Each time I get in the saddle, I remember what she taught me, “You have to show the horse what you want“, and I learned how to be quiet. She taught me those things. Looking back, I also learned many things I do not want to be part of my horsemanship toolbox: traditional natural horsemanship skills that thinly veil dominance and force. It is now easy for me to find ways to avoid that and come to a greater understanding with horses. I don’t know, however, if I could reach this place with such great understanding if I hadn’t been to hers first. It all makes better sense now.

Katie Little introduced me to Sally Swift and Tellington TTouch.

My second trainer taught me a whole new seat. She took away my saddle for three months and I really learned to sit on a horse. She taught me to jump. Bareback. The thrill of learning something that previously struck terror into my heart gave me such a sense of accomplishment. She is a Parelli-trained teacher, and her easy approach to training horses was fascinating. I also learned from her how not to deal with people on a strictly human basis. I have often wondered what it is about horsepeople that make them so difficult in real life. I think it has to do with passion. If you have great passion and desire, you make mistakes in dealing with people if you are not mindful of possible outcomes. This in itself was a lesson worth remembering.

My third trainer taught me patience and stillness. She is a wizard in the strictest sense. Her blend of traditional English horsemanship and calm, still mindfulness allows her to achieve amazing results. I’ve seen her take a greenie out into the hunt field and show him a great day, have a nice time herself, and come home without a scratch. Not many people can do that. The most important thing I learned form her was quietness. I thought I had that nailed early on, but I was able to take it to a deeper level with her. Not only was it “shut up and sit there,” but it was, “have no specific agenda because you will be disappointed and force the horse.”

Vera taught me about loyalty.

Linda Tellington-Jones blew a hole in my perception of reality with horses. She dismantled all my understanding of horsemanship, and reassembled it from the ground up. Along with the reconstructed horsemanship, she presented a new way to look at interpersonal relationships. She provided me with a new beginning, and a new purpose in life. A change that I’d needed for many years. I’m still amazed at the events that have unfolded in the last two years. And how they have changed my life. Thank you, Linda.

And now to the horses: Thank you!!!

Marksman Millie and Julia G. Scheibel

Brego, for demonstrating how dominance doesn’t work with fearful horses.
Millie, for being the best babysitter on the planet. Also for being true to your breed, a full-blooded Percheron, who really doesn’t like to move out in the ring. You taught me how to ask correctly.
Buster, for showing me what a (Parelli concept) Right Brain Extrovert is really like. And that you were too much for me at that stage of my learning. I wish you a happy life. I adore you.
Holly, for revealing true equine maternal dedication and elegance.
Mystic, for grace, and for showing me the value of eternal vigilance.
Storm, for being who you are. A stallion of uncommon beauty, inside and out.
My babies, Madison and James, for allowing me to shepherd you through the first year of your lives. Nothing can match that experience.
Maira, for being peaceful, beautiful, and accepting of all my flaws. May you show the same kindness to your new “husband.”

Living in the horse world, for however short a time has made me who I am. It is a singular influence on the way I see the immediate world, aside from Buddhism. I might never have gotten to this point, where my life is about to enter a new and exciting phase, without all my teachers.

Thankful Thursday: The Guinea Pig, The Student, And The Shadow

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:01:10 +0000

What a day yesterday was. For the first time since November of 2008, I spent time with horses. Real, live horses. I was surrounded by horsey love and affection.

From the moment I went to put on my boots, it was a good day. How long had it been since I wore riding boots? It was as good as the day so long ago (much longer than I’ll admit) when at twelve I got my very first pair. No glossy brown paddock boots could have felt finer than the worn, supple boots that fit my feet so well yesterday morning.

I went to visit Sandy Rakowitz and her horses Zoey and Ibis. The day was, for once, sunny and warm. A toasty 62°! Not warm enough to have dried up the mud, but so pleasant. The horses didn’t mind the mud, and they didn’t mind me fawning all over them.

Sandy was kind enough to review with me various T.E.A.M. leading positions and the balletic maneuvers necessary to change among them for people still learning. I needed a review, because this weekend I’m going to help her out at a clinic. It wouldn’t do to have a clueless helper.

Zoey was a tolerant guinea pig. She suffered my ministrations (including many errors) with patience and grace. She taught me many things. I was a rather mirthful student today, drunk on sunshine and horse perfume. Ibis shadowed our every footstep, marching along behind or beside as we worked slowly through the labyrinth or around the barn. Often I had to ask him nicely to move a little, for fear he would stomp my toes. He was very interested in what we were doing. He duplicated Zoey’s movements, supporting me in my efforts.

I am so grateful for Zoey and Ibis and their attentive lessons yesterday. Their willingness to show me where I wasn’t being clear in my cues, or where I was using too much or too little pressure, was a reminder of the good will of horses in general. It’s not that I’d forgotten. It’s just been a long time.

Zoey and me

Ibis

I am indebted to Sandy for allowing me this time with her precious horses and for showing me the finer points of lead handling and wand-switching. Prior to this day, I mostly switched myself in the face on handoffs. I have a little more confidence for Saturday now.

For other Thankful Thursday posts, see Akal Ranch. Should you decide to post on Thankful Thursdays, please link or comment here.

Thankful Thursday

enlightenedhorsemanship — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 05:00:57 +0000

What a week it has been already! I have said that I feel like a juggler with too many balls in the air and one arm tied behind my back. I have been carefully monitoring my reactions to the stress and I think I’m holding up well.

Part of me is thrilled to have so much positive activity after such an enforced lull in life. The trick is to embrace it and deal with it carefully lest it overwhelm. I am grateful for new developments because they allow me to practice peace and mindfulness in the midst of a maelstrom.

I have a thousand things to do today, each more vital than the next. The weather is turning, and I am covered in dirt from work outside. If I allow myself to think of what I must accomplish in the coming weeks, my head might explode. Yet I am filled with an indescribable joy and gratitude.

As a writer, freewriting has always been a good tool for elucidating thoughts, feelings and areas that require attention. Getting things down on paper (or into the ether) is a powerful release. Equally powerful is the chance to articulate the myriad benefits to be found flying around in the maelstrom. Mindfulness in the midst of chaos is essential. If I blink, I might miss something. Pause to worry about one thing and the side of a barn could hit you in the head and send you to Oz.

With this attitude of grateful examination, I’ve found that the larger task of getting myself to Hawaii and still getting my work done here is bigger by far than I’d previously thought.

I love a good challenge! Often challenges like this can take you away from yourself without your knowledge. The hard part is remaining aware of everything, acknowledging it, and reveling in it.

If I could just pack a few suitcases and up and away, that would be great, but it’s a fantasy. Now is the time for putting a magnifying glass onto the details of the transition. If it were solely myself flying over to Hawaii, then the process would be simple enough. But we are never alone in the world, even when we think we are. I am grateful for that. We live in relation to others and their needs are imperative. I must account for the immediate futures of my daughter (no small task), my dogs, my cats, and my farm.

In assisting my daughter in her settlement for at least the next two years, there are complex negotiations. In many ways, I am the middle man. The original idea for her housing, et.al. May have been my idea, and the execution of the move may be 10% my responsibility, but the decision is not all mine. There are many complicating factors. Many players. I can’t control them all. All I can control is my feelings and actions. Here is an opportunity to let go a little bit. To set the plan on the table and allow it to move forth of its own accord and whatever input is necessary from me. There are risks, and it might not work out. I may be stymied at every turn. I have the chance to practice patience and to communicate with some very difficult people in a new way. Old patterns die hard and I do this with extreme effort. Yet every exchange ends with satisfaction that I have done my part well, and I am learning how to better interact with negative forces. Thank goodness for that.

I will likely be accepting significantly less for my farm than I hoped for. News flash: I expected that, but it’s painful nonetheless. This opportunity to practice letting go comes at a good time. Often we are forced to let go in bad situations, where we have no choice. I am grateful that I have the choice. Grateful that I engineered the situation so that I make the choice instead of its’ making me. Better that I give up my beloved farm on my own terms and at the right time for me than to be chased from it as so many others are being booted out of their homes. What makes it easier is that the letting go comes just as I am opening my arms to something bigger, better.

Not physically bigger. A small condominium in Keauhou is, well, small. Many accommodations will have to be made to learn to live there, for Ruby, the cats, and me. Bigger in the sense that I am moving toward something I wanted, and made it happen. The “world” will be bigger for me in Hawaii, with greater possibilities for emotional and intellectual development. As I open my arms to shift away a large part of my life, I can scoop up a smaller one, which holds an unknown but hopeful future. I can feel the expansion on the horizon. I am filled to the brim with gratitude to Linda. She has given me the world with the word, “yes.”

I try to remain focused on the present time and location. When it’s crazy busy like this, and I am often in pain, it’s easy to miss the tiny miracles and to fail to acknowledge progress.

A few of the tiny miracles:

I am not fearful of people whom I might have been afraid of just a few years ago. Their power to frighten me and to determine what I do with my life has vanished, by force of my own will.

My daughter is infinitely wise and reasonable. She’s even getting easier to live with!

I have good friends. There is no way to express how important this is. Not only are they good friends, but they’re friends willing to help. I have lacked really good friends for so long in my life.

I feel the rightness of this decision more deeply every day.

I feel the loss in inherent in the decision to leave Virginia, but with a sweet and tender affection and the knowledge that I will return home someday. This feeling of loss is tempered with excitement for the future.

Around me, every day, in fact, every hour, spring asserts herself. We’ve had more than a few days of Mother Nature’s little inside jokes, where the temperature is above 80 degrees, and things are sprouting and changing color and energy is amassing in the most powerful ways. It is palpable, This gives me strength. I am well aware that the temperatures will again plummet, but you can’t stop progress. Those crocus are up. Those buds forming on the trees are there to be admired and the change in the air, no matter the temperature, buoys my spirit.

Heedless of human struggle, mother nature reminds me: everything is impermanent. Look! See! Feel!

I can handle this. I can handle all the balls tossed in the air, all the variables thrown into the equation, because I am strong, and I know what I want and I need. I know what my family needs. I know what my pets need. And I can accomplish it. I am grateful for that. My eyes are open.

Here are a few things I have seen today:

Eyes wide open to all the possibilities, tiny miracles appear.

Notice Wibble's little nose in the left corner. As I examine the crocus, he wanders over to see what I'm so interested in.

The first tree to bloom every year, this variety of Magnolia smells divine.

I love the contrast of threes: the soft, fuzzy casing, which brings to mind the fur of a deer or squirrel; the delicate inner membrane, curled and still green and fresh; and the creamy smoothness of the flower. They are all one, but all different.

Mother nature's gift: a bouquet for Thankful Thursday

Random beauty at the base of an Oak

Ruby came along to find out what I was looking at, too.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Simrat at Akal Ranch, who also has a list of other Thankful Thursday bloggers to check out.